peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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