I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
