I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
