I cockslap morals
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
4 words: hood of his car
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
