? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
