I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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