Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
