The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
