I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
