it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
