Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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