If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize