u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
