Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
