dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
