I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
