I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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