That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
