Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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