just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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