I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
