You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
