girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
