yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
