I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
