Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
