Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
