I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
