i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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