I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
