My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
