He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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