she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
