i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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