i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
