Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found puke in my bra..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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