3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
