We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
