Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
