cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
