There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
