After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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