i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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