Duck Duck Cougar?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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