i don't like sucking hair
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
