I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
