Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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