I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
