first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
