I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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