I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We left the knife in your bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
