I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
