My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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