I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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