Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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