He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
