I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
