umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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