She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
