saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
