just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
