I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
