I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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