Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
