Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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