I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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