I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
