If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
