thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
