did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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