I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
