Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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