I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize