this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
