Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize