operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
