before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
