We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
