man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
