Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
