capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
