how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
