She went from zero to smokin in five shots
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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